My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
