I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
