Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
