A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
