she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
