Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You can't just leave with hair like that
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
