are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
