Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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