i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
