"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
