Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize