He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
