im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
ttyl tear gas
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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