Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Who died my cat blue again?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
