Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
