you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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