You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
