You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
