My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
