No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
