I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
