Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
