yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would ride that face into the sunset
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
