I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
