I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
