If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
