That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
