Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
