biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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