You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
