Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
