I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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