Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
