Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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