We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
