yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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