You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
