Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
