when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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