I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
