Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
