And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
being pregnant is like rehab
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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