it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
