I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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