I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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