my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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