it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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