...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
