I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
