I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
