Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
