whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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