Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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