Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
