I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
