hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
