so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
