ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
