everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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