Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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