My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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