I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
