he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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