after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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