Ambien. No doubt about it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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