Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
