when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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