Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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