Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
