Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
