I think i peed on brittanys purse
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
